A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of spending a day at Haringey Learning Partnership, accompanying a group of academics from the United States that we were hosting for the week.
During the morning, two students were sharing their experiences of Haringey Learning Partnership and were asked what they had learnt from their time there. Without hesitation, the first young woman said, “I have learnt that I deserve support, and that I deserve space when I need it.”
Everyone in the room stopped. A couple of our visitors whispered “wow.” A couple of weeks later, when I met the group for a debrief, they were still talking about this comment.
The student’s words were powerful on a number of levels. They spoke of the self-awareness and self-confidence her school have given her, but they also resonated beyond that.
At times when we are struggling, it can be so difficult to believe that we deserve support. Perhaps we feel that the need of others is greater and that we should be able to cope. Or perhaps it feels self-indulgent to ask for support yourself when someone close to you is ill or having a hard time. How bad is bad enough to warrant support and understanding?
The student we met had struggled with anxiety for some time. She found the environment of secondary school overwhelming. However, she had not felt able to speak out and ask for support. She believed that her difficulties were not severe enough to warrant attention and assumed that others were much more in need than she was. The work done with her at Haringey Learning Partnership has changed that mindset.
The second student’s story was different, but equally striking. She described how she had found herself on a path that ultimately led to permanent exclusion from school. Many aspects of her story were familiar – getting in with a different crowd of friends, making some unfortunate choices. However, this wasn’t what she wanted to tell the assembled adults. She recognised that she had made mistakes; she took responsibility for her actions. But looking back, she wondered why no-one had ever asked why things became complicated for her.
She described a chain reaction of events and a sense of things suddenly speeding up. She described how she felt that adults’ views of her changed rapidly – that she was seen as being a bad person. She questioned why “no-one looked beyond the surface.” She needed support and understanding. She needed adults who believed in her ability to put it right.
Many of us are hard-wired to say that we are OK when we are not. It takes courage to stand up and say that you deserve support and we are unlikely to do it if the circumstances around us are not right. When one person stands up in a community and asks for help, it starts to create a culture in which others can do the same.
It is also all too easy to see problems, rather than really taking the time to understand the person behind them. ‘Zero tolerance’ approaches can make it hard for people (young and old) to see a way out or an alternative path. Taking time to find out why things have gone wrong recognises the ability of everyone to make positive changes.
In their different ways, what both of these young people were asking for was understanding and empathy. And, what they have learnt in their current school is that they are deserving of that. When every person in a community is able to be open when they need help, when the ethos of a community encourages every individual to show empathy towards others and themselves, lives can be changed – as Haringey Learning Partnership are proving.
